thr day he hate love

The day he said i hate LOVE , he leave HER.
 He got relief from pain of years, from tons of weight .. but then he found another restlessness, in one corner of heart he was burning..
   he was tired of thinking whether he love her or just like . he was confused, he was in dilemma . he try to not to think about her, he was convincing himself that he just like her, he was telling lie to himself..and he also know this it is not true.  spent night sleeplessly, and while half asleep he compose all these. when he felt he wont get her love , he was refusing to admit that he love her. "Escaipsm"
he was loosing hope thus , although he couldn't accept this. he found yet he love her, but just avoiding to think this.  Then a few days later she found her in his dream. she appeared in her dream , again restlessness again dreaming for her. For him dreaming about her, to think about her is like an addiction, he can spent hole day to think her.
and he found that he is revolving around a circle , the circle of thoughts about her..he was content to know this that he love her, for him it was became very necessary to know if he rally love her or not. he got his answer. and he know he wont got more then this (love). he know he wont have her, because he was afraid of of his dreams. he was dyeing in his thoughts, he was playing a game where  both side only he have to defeat. and he was happy in this because he was habitual to deny happiness. he was habitual to live like this.

he was none other then ME...

each sem wound, the last sem kills..

Persuing engg. is not less then like drinking a poison for me and to compeleting it will like overcoming death. Although it seems quite extra, but so far  it is reality.. 

                     once camella rose in his leacture " each hour wound the last hour kills"..but here i can say "each semester  wound, the last sem kills".
                    How long can we survive where our heart refuse to work, ok we can compromise but a kind of restlessness remain .
here i am not frustrated and  writng,..though a few days i was , but not now.. time heals. ohk leave this , so the point is not just about engg. it is about to work when you dont  like ,to forget our dreams..life teaches a lot, one of them is compromising, to forget our dreams.. why it is that people like or dislike any field, subject..
                    media mass communication journalism these are the things, whose even neme fesinate me. hamesha hi se is nam ne lubhaya h mujhe..but as ausual i afraid of my dream.. dream found fascinating only till when you are not force to act upon then. thus i like that filed, and when seriously think to work  i afraid.. procrastainc nature ruining me. you know what, there is nothing in this world for person like me, confused..even dont know what to do what not do. just like , dont know whether love.. same case with her, when i found i wont get her, i convene myself by saying that i just like her not love her.. but if even a single word she utter,or even a little memory of her came across my mind i again start dreaming for her. dont know what will happen. person should love without fear, should love without third thought, without dillema. let it be for someone without reason else nothing remain. i should realize this. life is not always easy, sometimes harsh, critical..