Writing without words

             Writing is either tough or very easy, many times it happens great chaos in mind, stampede of thoughts leading a sudden urge to write but not having words,  at that time feels as a sharp thorn piercing in toe but i continue to walk , feels restless to write . Wish i could write without words, could have magical words just thinking , whatever in heart just appear as a picture acr  Felt like a toddler, who want to tell something but couldn't speak, that eagerness, that restlessness . But still try, shows his words through his hopeful eyes, struggling acts, not so differ from mine, same state.
                     Sometimes i wish i turn  toddler again, who tries to walk, fall, stand again, fall seven times  stand eight times, finally learning , walking , without support, conquering his fear. Here i am falling , rising, struggling, defeating, crying , but not having zeal to stand again and fight for survival  , as if something in me has either forgotten or deep hidden, not untying these knots .
Though living in own parallel world, as if lies another life, living in  my own dreams. This imaginary life and reality continue to travelling parallel, as like a river. won't meet but will remain till end, some thoughts will be also like this, will remain in eyes till end.

    Writing is always redemptive, more cathartic when dark phases,  must when wandering , as this fickleness sucking me, pessimistic thoughts of choosing between worst  & more worst , is it reality or melancholic thoughts forcing me to think like this, don't know. But one thing not other,s opinion but inner voice will vanish all these darkness, not any other book but own writing , own reading will help, to explore myself only, need to read own insomniac eyes, own deep silence.